she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Sober January is a disaster.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
