My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How does one acquire holy water?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
