Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm having to shit out rocks
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
