We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
