Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Soap is not a condiment
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize