Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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