Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
