you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
