i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
