There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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