I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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