and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
