You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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