Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
