oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
