Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
