Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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