You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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