There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
