when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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