Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
