question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
