I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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