So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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