I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
