Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
