I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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