I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
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oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
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the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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