remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize