Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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