just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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