before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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