I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
