Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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