worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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