just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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