Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
