Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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