she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
