Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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