Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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