I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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