I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
