with your own penis?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
