Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
