So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
