Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
