hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
