perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
