Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
