i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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