you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
