I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
