Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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