bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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