I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
