my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
