how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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