Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
