I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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