You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
don't judge my taste in strippers
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
