Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
