Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
