I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
this is an emotional support booty call
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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