I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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