They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
