her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
