you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
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And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
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She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize