so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
be right there i have to get my cape
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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