Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
