He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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